Re-Encounters of the Caffeinated Kind
by AtticParty
Summary: Boys are best when they're like coffee...hot and steamy. Lukas isn't sure about Emils new boy toy, so what better way to test than to check him out? This leads to a fine dose of confusion, disapproval and a heaping spoonful of "sugar". Human AU, not ALL about coffee :)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: WHOOT! FIRST CHAPTER WEEE! Okay, for clarification, this IS a DenNor, it just doesn't really seem to start out that way. Yeah. Okay, so also for future reference, Lukas calls Berwald bro because that just sounds more legit and Emil calls Tino and Berwald "Uncle" because of the whole age difference thing and it makes more sense to us. But they are not the actual Uncles of Emil. Because in blood related terms they can't be uncles and bros. They're brothers...but it's awkward for Emil to say brother because of age difference...I mean, who wants to think about their parents getting it on at that age?**

**And Iceland might seem a tad OOC...but that is the way he is :P**

Emil is a drama queen.

It was an obvious factor but it never ceased to amaze Lukas how his little brother could go on and on about everything and anything. Especially if it had to do with boys, gossip or sex. In fact he was now going on about some sexy man meat he had spotted at the coffee shop downtown.

"And, oh my god, his MUSCLES were, like, gorgeous. Sculpted by Michael-freaking-Angelo! Even you would want a piece of that you homophobe."

"I'm not a homophobe...and I highly doubt it. Boys aren't my thing, Emil." Lukas slumped into the couch and closed his eyes.

Emil rolled his florescent eyes, "If you say so. Hey, can I borrow some money from you? I wanna buy some new boots."

"Ugh, no. Get a job. I already pay for your overly expensive tuition. What do you even need hooker boots like those for anyway?"

Emil's face was overtaken by a fierce blush, and Lukas narrowed his eyes at the suspicious behavior.

"I think the guy at the coffee shop plays for my team...

"I fail to see what he has to do with stripper boots." Lukas added blankly, courtship was not his realm of expertise…

"OH MY GOD LUKAS I'M GONNA SEDUCE THE GUY AND GET HIM TO-"

"Please save the details for your blog." Emil couldn't help but smirk at his genius, his brother hated when he said those sorts of things; he could expect money in approximately, 5...4...3...

"AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO-"

"FINE! You can have some money, just stop telling me about this!" Lukas flung his wallet at Emil.

"Give me extra and I'll get you some coffee while I'm out."

"Bribery will get you nowhere. Just take $50."

"Alright, well, don't blame me if the beans have gone bad..." Lukas narrowed his dull blue eyes in a calculating glare.

"You wouldn't dare."

Emil slowly started taking things out of the wallet, giving the empty sad looking shell back to his brother who frowned at the picture of the cute little boy he used to know, where did his little angel go?

"I'm taking your credit card. I'll pay you back next week."

"Or just stop living here. You're bringing my costs waaayyy up."

"Bad for my economy."

"You don't have an economy, it's not like you're a country. Just go buy your stupid boots. No corsets, though."

Emil stuck his tongue out at his older brother as he sashayed out the door.

Lukas wondered how the adorable, shy little boy he had raised had become this flamboyant, almost slutatious but still lovable teenager.

Emil rubbed his hands up the white smooth leather of his beautiful new boots, the thick tassels on the zippers flipping to the sides with each movement of his jean clad legs. Zipping up the snug shaft of the boot, Emil checked to make sure he looked perfect.

Smoothing his hair down he nodded at his reflection and shot himself a confident smile for a boost, he need all the courage he could get.

Heading out of his favorite store and waving to the clerk, Emil headed off in the direction of the coffee shop. Trying not to think too much about what he was doing (flirting was easier with an airhead), he opened the door, spotted the beautiful man behind the counter and sauntered up to him.

Leaning against the counter, he tugged on the sleeve of the black uniform of his new potential boy toy.

"Hey!" he said in a sing-song voice, dropping his eyelids and then looking up from under them.

"Oh, hey, it's you..." the guy smiled in the most charming way, "What do you want?"

"Oh, the usual. A grande hot chocolate, caffeinated, with a shot of peppermint with whipped cream. Or...would you say 'varm chakolade?'"

"Hey, how did you know? Are you Danish too?" the guy grabbed a cup from the shelf and started to make his drink.

"I heard you swearing in Danish last time I was in here. My uncle Berwald likes to insult his least favorite people in their native language. Apparently all Danes don't go down well with him. But I do seem to like them..."

The Dane chuckled with his sexy throat and his sexy face smiled in all the perfectly sexy ways. Emil wanted him. Now.

"What's your name?"

"Who needs a name with a face like mine?"

"Well, my name is Mathias. Mathias Kohler. Now you'll know what to call me when you scre-"

"Excuse me, Mr. Kohler. I told you to stop chatting up customers." Mathias made a face at his boss, an angry looking man with slicked back hair and a perpetually throbbing vein in his neck. Guy looks like he seriously needs to take some chill pills.

"I'm done with his drink anyway." Mathias handed Emil the cup, "So what is your name anyway?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"I'll be watching out for you, Lukas." he winked

"What!? Thats my brothers name!" Emil was thoroughly confused

"You stole your brothers credit card? Really?"

"He handed it over, don't judge me." Emil huffed, it was bad enough that Lukas minded and now a stranger, albeit a hot one...people need to mind their own business.

"Hey, not judging. I've borrowed a good amount of credit cards."

Emil smiled, "My name is Emil Steilsson-Bondevik and here is my number. Now you'll know what to call me when I answer the phone."

Mathias laughed a bit and took the slip of paper, "I'll remember this."

Emil gave a little wave and walked out the door, swaying his hips and sipping his drink. He couldn't wait to tell Lukas about this.

**A/N: You like? THEN GO TYPE SOME LOVE INTO THAT BOX OVER THERE.**

**We are already working on Ch. 2….**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: HI! NEW CHAPTER. YAY.**

The loud buzzing of his phone on the wooden table snapped the Finn out of his trance, this early in the morning he found it difficult to keep a sharp mind. Briefly looking at who had bothered calling at this time, he wondered what had happened for Emil to want to talk so soon.

"Hello Emil, how're you?"

"Uncle Tino! I'm great, how's it going over there?" Tino was about to say that it was a little earlier than he would have liked, but was cut off by another stream of excited chatter from Emils side of the phone.

"Would you mind if I came over, there's something I want to talk to you about.." Tino felt himself perk up a little at this, Emil didn't usually want to come over unless he wanted to talk boys.

"Sure, I'll have coffee made for when you get here!"

"I'll be right over." Tino ended the call and immediately went searching for where he had put the coffee beans, they couldn't have gone far...unless he had accidentally taken them into Berwalds workshop again.

the floorboards behind the small man creaked and Tino found himself grabbing a nearby knife and aiming it in the direction of the noise. the tip of the long serrated metal blade ended up an inch away from a rather irritated looking blondes face, though to give him some credit he didn't even blink.

dropping the knife, Tino wrapped his arms around the taller man and couldn't stop himself from babbling out apologies.

"I'm so sorry Ber, I didn't know it was you! I just got scared and I'm so sorry, I could have stabbed you in the face!" Berwald smiled a little at his wife, he was just so cute when he was flustered.

"T's ok." Tino looked up at the Swede and blushed before kissing him on the tip of his nose and wiggling out out of Berwalds grasp to look for the beans again.

"Wh' w's on the ph'ne?" Berwald asked, handing Tino the bag of beans that had somehow ended up on top of the cabinets. Oh that's right, he had put them up there so that Peter wouldn't get into them.

"Emil, said he wanted to talk about something." Berwald nodded and headed back in the direction of the bedroom; he already had his wife he saw no fun in talking about boys for three hours.

the doorbell rung a little while later and Tino rushed to go get it before Hanatamago decided to bark at the "stranger".

"Emil! Glad you made it here safely!" hugging the teen close to him, Tino got a perfect view of Icelands boots.

"Glad to see you Uncle Tino." Emil wasn't especially touchy feely, but he didn't want to piss off his favorite uncle, he knew from Peter that anger is not his best side.

"Same," he led Emil into the kitchen, "So who's the lucky new guy?"

"No lucky new guy YET. I told Lukas about him and he started bitching, something about the law, because everyone cares so much. But I know I can talk to you, right Tino?" Emil raised a manipulative eyebrow.

Tino sighed. He knew that the kid was gonna get his way. Instead of coming out to his parents Emil had run away to stay with his real Aunt in Iceland. Probably where he had gotten his mad manipulation and flirtation skills from.

Making himself cozy in his favorite chair in the small kitchen, Emil waited for his Tino to sit down before he went into greater detail about his plan.

"So what crazy plan are you trying to drag me into now?" Tino asked while testing the heat of his coffee, taking in a deep breath of the magical liquid, Tino waited for his "nephew" to explain.

"So you know that new coffee place downtown? Well there's this really cute Danish guy that works there and he's totes the best looking thing you've ever seen, an-" Emil was cut off by one of Berwalds signature glares, not that those had effect on anyone in the family.

"I'm sorry Berwald, Tino only thinks of you like that I have no idea what I was thinking." Berwalds face didn't change and Emil raised an eyebrow at him questioningly.

"What d'd yah say b'fore th't?"

"There's a cute guy that works at the coffee shop?"

"Aft'r th't."

"He's Danish?" Emil wasn't sure why that mattered, but whatever it meant it wasn't good judging by the dark aura that seemed to emanate from around the tall Swede.

"No." Berwald decided, shaking his head slightly.

"No what?"

"No Danes." Emil shook his head and covered his face with his hands. What was with his weird family?

Berwald couldn't believe it. He SWORE Lukas had raised his brother right, that nothing bad could happen to that adorable little boy and that he would have a bright future. Apparently not.

Sighing, he dialed Lukas' number and waited as the phone rang. He hated having to intervene but things could not go on like this. He wouldn't stand for it.

"Hello Berwald."

"Hm."

"Might I ask why you're calling?"

"Emil." Lukas sighed on the other end of the phone, he loved his brother but he really did try his patience sometimes.

"What about him?"

"I'm g'ssing yah know the new guy h's after."

"Yeah, some guy at the coffee shop. Why, something wrong with him?"

"He's Danish."

"..." Berwald frowned into the phone, didn't that require some sort of response?

"Lukas?" The line went dead and Berwald snapped his phone shut. It wasn't the first time it had happened and usually meant Lukas had just forgotten to actually say good bye before turning off his phone. Sighing, Berwald went back to his workshop and hoped that Lukas got his parenting skills back in check.

**A/N: Hey we just met you. This song is terrible. but Reviewwww maybe. 3**

**Ch.3 on the go. right now.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Wee! Here we are with chapter three, aren't you all so happy? Thanks to all the lovelies that review, every one leads to us writing faster! Happy reading!**

**Also, Eliana is Ludwig and Feliciano's adopted baby girl :3 Bell = Belgium**

**and a Warning for some language...ohohohon.**

Lukas stared at his cellphone. What was Berwald worried about. That was technically racism. Discrimination against Danish people. Not cool, bro. Not cool.

Lukas still needed to check this Mathias guy out, since the way that Emil had described him was a bit troubling, his brother being underage and all. And the flirting described was definitely not all alright.

Berwald was right, this called for Super Sleuthing Methods. Or something of the sort.

Lukas grabbed his coat and headed out of his apartment. As the elevator took him down the nineteen flights he thought about what his approach would be. Quick confrontation or be super Emil-ish and flirty.

Outside was cold and he was surprised at the little army of white flakes that flew into his eyes. He blinked them away and wrapped his scarf around his neck more cozily. Luckily the coffee shop was only a few blocks down but by the time he got there he decided he was actually going to order something.

Bean Around the World was quite a cute little cafe, complete with comfy armchairs and semi-secluded sofas. It was casually intimate, closely roomy and quite a few other friendly oxymorons.

Lukas ordered a latte from a stern looking man with slicked back blonde hair with a name tag that read 'Ludwig' and sat down in one of the armchairs. He picked up an art magazine and started to flip through it, occasionally looking up to see if his drink was ready.

As he was studying a piece by an artist of his nationality, Edvard Munch, he overheard 'Ludwig' saying, "Kohler! Put your nametag on! I let it slide yesterday and the day before, but its regulation."

"If the customers want to know my name they can ask." the accent was Danish. Lukas peered over his magazine to see a guy with unruly blonde hair talking to his manager.

"Just shut up and put it on. And take this to the guy over there."

"Sir yes sir!" the guy mock saluted and picked up the drink. Lukas's eyes followed him. He realized it must have been a bit creepy behind the magazine, so he put it on his lap, where the offending paper could do no harm.

"Hey...you look familiar..." the Dane handed Lukas his latte.

"Oh?" Lukas suddenly didn't know what to do, "Uh...thanks for the...a..." he took a sip of the drink awkwardly. He looked at the Dane, whose nametag read 'Mathias', just as he'd suspected.

Mathias straightened up and crossed his arms over his chest, smiling down at Lukas, who looked at him skeptically from under his eyelashes.

"Seriously. You look really familiar." said Mathias

"Well, you work in a coffee shop. I'm quite sure you would have seen me in here before."

"Naah...more familiar than that."

"Not sure if you think I remember you from something-which I don't-or if you think Iook like my brother...which I really hope I don't."

"Wait...are you Lukas? Emil's brother?" Mathias didn't say that he thought that Lukas was better looking than his brother.

"How do you know my name?" Lukas asked, standing up.

"I mistakenly called your brother your name when he used your credit card." said Mathias, "Anyway...you're his brother?"

"Seeing as I've mentioned it and-or confirmed it at least twice already, yes." Lukas rolled his eyes.

"Snappy!" Mathias laughed a little "How cute. But I'm guessing you weren't just popping by for a cuppa..."

"You would be right. Though the coffee is quite good...not the point. You are dating my brother and I don't quite approve." Lukas said "I have an older brother who doesn't approve, too. Solely on the fact that you are Danish. Apparently he hasn't had a very good experience with them."

"You're from Norway, right? And Emil grew up in Iceland?"

"Yes...not sure how that matter at the moment."

"Well...it means that we can speak in our respective languages and basically understand each other. Except Emil. Anyway, I think accents-especially other Nordic ones- are sexy."

"You're the one with the accent."

"And do you think its sexy?"

Lukas blew some hair out of his face, huffed and then mumbled, "It's Danish."

Mathias smiled at him. The guy was intriguing. He was about to tell him that when the interruption of Ludwig came to his ears.

"Feli, you can't visit me at work, you're a disturbance to the customers. Anyway, where's Eliana?" Mathias and Lukas both started eavesdropping

"Oh! I left her with brother and 'Tonio."

"You left our little girl with them? Feli, you do realize Lovino hates children and that Antonio has no ability to be any sort of parental figure?"

"Aah, but Bell is there to supervise. She says you can't leave those two alone, even when they have a baby to take care of. Something about she was tired of finding cum all over the bath towels when she wanted to take a shower."

Mathias's mouth curled up and he raised his eyebrows. Lukas's face did the opposite.

"Feliciano! Keep your voice down, mein gott."

"What? You know you have bad hearing and can't understand a word I say when I'm quiet."

Ludwig shook his head and looked across the shop to Mathias, "Kohler, get back here. I'm going on my lunch break!"

A redheaded Italian-Feli, Lukas assumed-clapped his hands in delight and dragged the German by his hand to the back cooler.

Mathias smirked in their direction and turned back to Lukas who rolled his eyes, "Thanks for the coffee." and left.

Mathias watched him walk out and did not fail to notice that fine Norwegian ass.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Little longer chapter. by a little. WONDERFULNESS.**

It was saturday. Therefore Emil was strictly banned from waking his brother up. If he broke this rule Emil would have to take freezing cold showers for a week.

This saturday morning was quite peaceful in the bedroom of Lukas Bondevik. He was still asleep, dreaming about how he did not have to stay up all night, bored out of his mind and writing essays and other mind numbing things.

A loud crash sounded from the kitchen and Lukas snapped his eyes open.

"I got it!" Emil's voice drifted through his door, "Shhh!" a giggle followed. Lukas kicked his sheets off and literally rolled all the way across the bed, forgot to catch himself at the edge and fell off the bed.

"Hngngnggnfuckingarghghfhfwak ingmeupargh!" Lukas grumbled, picking himself up off the carpet. He walked out the door, ready to kill his brother.

The way that the apartment was set up was elongated. The kitchen was a rectangle without one side, the counter making up one of the longer sides of the rectangle and the missing side is where it leads into the living room, which is really just a really comfy couch and a tv. A door to the outside world is in between the kitchen and living room. A long hallway stretches all the way across the apartment, so Lukas's bedroom is directly across from the kitchen counter.

Therefore, whenever he came out of his bedroom he had full view of the whole kitchen. This morning, however, Lukas stumbled out of his bedroom, rubbing his eyes and blinking at the floor.

"God morgen, Lukas Bondevik."

Lukas-startled-fell against his wall and glared up at Mathias, who was sitting at the counter, what the hell was this guy doing in his house!?

"I'm here for breakfast." Mathias leaned his elbows on the table, reading the expression on Lukas's face, which was confused with a dash or two of mad.

"What!?" he started fuming silently. It was too early in the morning for this.

"Oh, calm down Brother. I invited him. Let him in." Emil came out of the bathroom, "He does not have a key...yet." he winked, "Now go put some pants on. We're having French toast with the works. Mathias brought me-us-some whipped cream." he giggled again.

Lukas could not handle this many giggles. He couldn't handle being woken up on saturday morning. He couldn't handle having just boxers and an overly large t-shirt on in front of a semi-stranger. He especially couldn't handle his brother having invited a semi-stranger into his home.

"Ugh...two weeks no heat." he slammed his bedroom door and fell onto his bed with a groan.

Staring down into his steaming cup of coffee, Tino felt his brows pull together in a troubled glare with thoughts of Emil and Mathias. He was starting to worry. Not only was Mathias too old for Emil he didn't know it. What was he gonna think when he found out that he could be sent to prison? Also, what was Lukas doing in this situation? Did he know that Mathias didn't know about Emil's age?

He couldn't possibly be okay with the situation, even if he seemed cold sometimes he really did care about Emil, so why would he let this go on?

His thoughts were interrupted by his sexy lover friend, who had sat across from him at the table. Or fiance, if you wanted to be boring.

"Hei Berwald." he looked up forlornly.

"Whats tr'bling you? Yah look worried."

"It's just that Emil is too young for Mathias and he's a really nice guy and all, but he doesn't know and Lukas isn't doing anything about it and I really don't want this to end badly and I wish there was something I could do..."

Berwald stared at him for a second, looking a bit frustrated, he really wanted to dance around his IKEA kitchen singing "I told you so!", but that's not exactly helpful. Like at all.

"I think yah need to talk to Emil 'bout it. If he doesn't r'spond corr'ctly then talk with Mathias and convince him t'd break up with Emil." Berwald said, adjusting his glasses.

"I don't know...will you talk to Lukas, too? You have more...persuading influences on him..." Tino took a sip of his coffee. Berwald smiled slightly. Tino was so cute when he tried to spare his feelings. Berwald knew he wasn't exactly the friendliest looking, hell, Tino had run away the first time he saw him; but he had learned to use it to his advantage.

"If yah really want m'to." Tino beamed at him and he couldn't help but smile at his fiance. He really was lucky.

There was a specific reason that Berwald didn't like Danes. Well...Danish guys. Well...one specific Danish guy.

Mathias Fucking Kohler, recovering 'pyromaniac' and mega douche extraordinaire, skilled in the fine art of screwing everything up and burning everything down. Why he decided to waltz unwelcomed into Berwalds life is a mystery to all, not even Holmes could crack that nutcase.

The annoying thing was that Berwald hadn't done anything to stop inevitable doom. He had actually been in college with Mathias (as well as Tino. Thats where they had first met.). Then his weird behaviors had first started to show themselves. First with the bonfire parties and then onto the juggling chainsaws, it was a surefire sign he wasn't headed in the right direction. And then there were the times where he would lock himself out of the world for days, not eating and just being...scary.

Alas, he had waited too long.

Berwald, after college, had started working at the local IKEA, slowly climbing the ranks with his...skillful use of expression, until he was managing the store. He was good at his job, his employees were faithful and always did their job well, until one day when Mathias got fired from his job.

Tino had come to the IKEA to eat lunch with Berwald while he was on his lunch break. Mathias had decided to come along, too. He didn't talk at all. He was spaced out and kept looking off in the direction of the bedroom section, like there was something he needed to get.

"Mathias, are you okay?" Tino couldn't help but worry about his friend, he usually had so much to say...

Mathias just looked at him, cocked his head and smiled softly, "I'm fine Tino, but I'm going to head to the bath rooms, I'll be back soon."

A few minutes later Berwald could smell something burning. Tino's eyes widened and he whipped out his phone, dialing Mathias as he walked towards the general sections of baths.

Smoke was starting to fill the building, screams rang throughout the store as a surging mass of bodies ran for the exits, swarming the parking lot. Berwald ran to the pillows, following the high-pitched shriek of a little girl, seeing the small figure huddled under one of the loft beds filled Berwald with rage; it was one thing to set things on fire that don't belong to you, but to endanger the lives of children was unthinkable.

Mathias was out of his mind and Berwald was determined to protect the world from him.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Phew! It's been a while! We've been super swamped with birthdays and school and stuff. BUT HERE IT IS! 33333 all you who review, fav, etc. Also who just read. We love those ones too.**

Tino knocked gingerly on the door, jumping back as it opened with a noisy creak. Stepping into the apartment, Tino couldn't believe the state of the place. Whipped cream was all over the floor, the walls and -WHOA, was it on the ceiling too? He'd have to ask how they managed THAT.

Spotting Emil under a pile of pillows and blankets, Tino felt better seeing Mathias on the other side of the room under the kitchen table.

Lukas was calmly sipping coffee, leaning on the doorframe, "Good morning, Tino."

"Ah...good morning." he replied "Why is Mathias under the kitchen table?"

"After Emil fell asleep Mathias crawled out of the nest they made on the couch. He looked at me apologetically, I glared back and now he is under the kitchen table. So overdramatic." he said, shutting the door behind Tino, "Want some breakfast?"

"Naah...is he asleep?"

"Yeah...not sure how...I think he may have knocked himself out on the edge of the table or something." Lukas said with no concern.

It was precisely this unconcerned attitude that had Tino worried for Emil. And Lukas, too, but that was not the issue at hand. No, the issue was that Emil was "in love" with a psychotic pyromaniac that had almost killed not only himself and Berwald, but the INNOCENT PEOPLE OF IKEA, OSLO.

He hoped that the pills in the orange bottles he found in Mathias's cabinet were being used.

"Want some kaffe?"

"No thank you."

"If you don't want coffee what are you here for?" the notion of waking up before 12 and not wanting a cup of joe was atrocious to Lukas.

"I wanted to talk about your brother and Mathias." Tino sat down at the kitchen counter.

"Why?"

"Because I think there are some...particular issues in that relationship you haven't been addressing, and quite frankly I'm a little worried. I mean Berwald is too, but I really think you're being irresponsible."

Lukas sat across from Tino, "Emil can do what he wants. I don't like him with Mathias either, but he won't listen to me. Besides, I'm sure he'll realize the age difference is not appropriate...or Berwald could tell him." he sipped his drink, raising his eyebrows.

"Violence and intimidation are not going to be used on Emil, Lukas. Besides, it's not just the age..." he looked away for a second, and then down at the floor.

"Wait...do you know him from somewhere else?"

"Well, I mean, Mathias does have a few...issues."

"Like...?"

"You ask him, okay? Let's just say that I don't like talking about it because it's a bad memory. Among other things."

"Ugh, your vagueness is infuriating, you know that?"

"Your inability to look after your brother is infuriating."

They glared at each other for a bit, but then Tino sneezed, waking up Emil. The teen grumbled from under his pile of blankets and unceremoniously shoved them onto the floor.

"Uncle Tino?"

"Oh, hyva huomenta Emil!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to take you shopping." Tino glanced at Lukas, telling him to just go with it.

"Oh, awesome." Emil jumped up and started straightening his things, "Why is Mathias under the table?"

"He hit his head." said Lukas "Now go...buy some stuff or whatever the hell..."

"But what about Mathias?" Emil said, slightly concerned.

"I'll just...wake him up." sighed Lukas, he really didn't want this guy in his house longer than he had to be.

"Okay!" Emil smiled and started dragging Tino out the door, he didn't care how long it took, he was GOING to find that white fur vest, it was HIS. Lanequa could suck her douche of a boyfriends balls because he may be the palest boy at that school but he will cut her.

Tino laughed slightly and waved goodbye to Lukas, "Don't kill him, juu?"

"Ja, whatever." Lukas glared down at the unconscious body and flipped his hair out of his face, this was a tough job, but he was up to the seemingly impossible task. He'd just get one of his trolls to smack him in the face. Yes, that was the single most perfect plan anyone could come up with.

There was no chance to carry out this plan, however because his summoning circle was interrupted by the sounds of Mathias yawning.

"Oi, man. My head hurts." Lukas lifted an eyebrow, was he supposed to care? A shit eating smirk adorned Mathias's face, "What a nice view." Lukas sighed and dumped the rest of his coffee on the Danish mans face, he wouldn't waste coffee usually but it was leftovers and cold anyway.

Mathias looked around the appartment from his floor spot, "Where'd Emil go?"

"Shopping with my brother-in-law, Tino." said Lukas nonchalantly.

"Tino? As in cute blonde Tino? Fun." Mathias wiped his face with his sleeve.

Lukas turned around and leaned against the counter, "Question."

"Yeah?"

"Why are you bothering with Emil? You sound like you're pretty...into 'cuddles' and stuff, but you crawled out of the...blanket nest."

"Yeah, well Emil isn't good at sharing sleeping space. Shoved me off the couch." he shrugged

"You're lying. I can tell."

"Well what do you want me to say? His brothers really hot-not to mention closer to my age- and Emil's cute, but his uncle is really fucking scary and doesn't like me?"

Lukas blushed furiously and tried to hide it behind his cup of coffee.

"Yeah, that is what you wanted to hear." he smirked, not only did he have a chance, but he was right. This frustrated Lukas to no end. He narrowed his eyes, "How do you know my age?"

"I may or may not talk to Tino periodically." There was no reason to mention that it was because Tino checked to see if he was still on his medication.

"Do you know how old Emil is?"

"It never came up. Not really." Mathias shrugged, nothing was really going to come of that relationship anyway.

"Isn't that something people usually think to ask people when they start dating?" Lukas raised a white-blonde eyebrow.

"Look, Emil is just a little fun flirting, nothing absolutely serious. Okay? No need to be Papa bear when it comes to your brother. Besides, you're obviously the better choice."

"Mhm?" Lukas leaned forward and looked down at this man under the table. Mathias's brilliant blue eyes were half lidded as he came closer.

"Yeah."

There, in the middle of the kitchen floor the most awkward, fumbling, magical upside down kiss came into existence.


	6. Chapter 6

Lukas pulled back, furrowing his eyebrows. He stood up and pointed at the door, "Out. Now."

"What!?"

"Get. Your. Ass. Out. Of. MY. HOUSE." fury personified pushed his coffee cup off the table. It crashed next to Mathias's head.

"Why!? You just kissed _me._" He scooted out from under the coffee table, spinning around.

"If you do not leave right now I will chop your balls off and send them to the Icelandic Phallological Museum." he opened the door and motioned to to the outside.

"Fine! But why, you came onto _me. _ How is this my fault?" Lukas pulled the blade he kept in his back pocket out and pointed it towards Mathias's crotch.

"Besides you blatantly _flirting _with me like an idiot I am not into guys. You have completely violated my space and I want you out. For. Ever. You have been involved with a minor, you want to sue and I will have him plead innocent and your ass will be in jail, so don't look at me like that."

"Lukas-"

"Do not say my name. Do not say Emils name. Do not come around the apartment, don't talk to him when he calls you or comes to your coffee shop. Just go." Lukas made a fluttering motion with his hands "Just disappear." Mathias was confused, but he adjusted his clothes back and backed out of the door. His eyes had gone a few shades darker and just barely met Lukas's cold and empty ones.

"Don't call me when you miss me, lover boy."

No reply, just a bottomless stare. Said stare was cut by a slamming door. Lukas dropped to his knees, and though there wasn't a sound, tears rolled down his face and he squinted at the shattered coffee cup. It was his favorite. Damn.

After a few minutes of pity Lukas grabbed the phone and dialed Tino's number.

"Hei?"

"I need you to come over. Bring Emil home early."

"A-are you sure?"

"Now."

"What happened? Did you kill him? I am not burying the body."

"Just come home." he hung up and buried his head in his hands. Kissing Mathias was probably the stupidest thing he'd done in his life, besides that time when he and Berwald recorded themselves dancing around the IKEA Berwald worked at to Caramell. If he said he regretted it that'd be a lie, but it was still stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he thought it like a mantra.

Like when he had taken his math in high school tests. Repeating STUPID for eternity, who needed thirds? Who needed two halves of 69? Who needed love? Or emotions? WHO NEEDED MATHIAS FUCKING KOHLER? NOT HIM.

Lukas screamed. He screamed and screamed, no words just pure sound, tears streaming down his face like the niagra falls. Thinking about how he was crying like a baby fueled his emotion and this made him think about Mathias and this started a cycle of hurt filled crying. The definition of a vicious circle.

He finally was reduced to hiccuping in a ball on the floor. He stood up and wiped the snot and tears from his face, picking up the phone again. He re-dialed Tino.

"Hei, we're almost there." a worried Finish voice came through.

"No...continue your shopping." Lukas sighed.

"Well...there is a K-mart by your house."

"You know Emil would never step foot in there, say you forgot something." Lukas' voice trembled through the phone and he hated how weak he felt. Might as well go watch the Titanic while he was at it. Hell, maybe he'd invite Berwald over and they'd have a little cry fest. Wait. Titanic. Invite someone over. Lukas could almost feel the virtual lightbulb over his head.

"Yeah, yeah." Lukas interrupted Tino in the middle of something he was saying, "Just please take Emil back home or something. I'll be really busy tonight. Okay?"

"Hmm...okay. I trust you, Lukas. So does Ber." Tino breathed

"Yah, yah. Bye."

As soon as he hung up he looked through his college contacts list. There it was. He dialed the number before he could chicken out.

"Alio?"

"Hi, Natalya. It's Lukas, from your photography class?" he said

"Of course I know you. You're cute one who always is doing night scenes." she sounded intrigued, which seemed like a good sign.

"Yeah...I was wondering if you and your sister wanted to come over tonight..."

"Lukas, I not wanting to hurt feelings, but I cannot...reciprocate."

"That's not what I meant..."

"Oh..Well, what time then?"

"As soon as possible. I'll send you my address."

"I already know where you live, I'll be there soon."

Lukas looked at the beeping phone a little worriedly. She knew where he lived? He had heard rumors about this girl, but that was a bit... , her brother was a local cop, maybe he had some records? Anyway, it wasn't time for worrying, he had to find the wine. And get dressed nicely.

Cleaning up the rooms as he walked through them, Lukas made a mental checklist of everything he should have on. Throwing on a navy blue button down and his dark jeans, Lukas combed some of his hair back and clipped it in place with his cross pin. Brushing his teeth as he gathered a movie and the wine glasses, he put everything onto the coffee table and waited in the kitchen.

The doorbell rang and he opened it, revealing two very pretty girls. Natalya, who was dressed too skimpily for the weather smiled slowly, "Alio, Lukas Bondevik. Let's have some fun."

Emil was very confused.

His brother had suddenly decided to send him away for the night, and he and Tino had stopped to get coffee on the way home. Guess who they had seen at a completely different coffee shop than the one he worked at. A very sexy, but very moody Mathias. When Emil went to talk to him he had brightened, but Tino could tell it was fake.

And then he had convinced Tino to let him take Mathias home, because he had left his wonderful coat, the long black one with red cuffs, at the apartment.

And so now they were going home. And Mathias seemed less bubbly than usual. And as they slowly went up the elevator he started to look a bit blank.

"Are you okay, Mathias?" Emil asked.

"Your brother doesn't want me hanging around anymore..." he trailed off.

"Psh, never mind him. He's usually full of empty threats. Except if you wake him up early, or somehow ruin his coffee."

"He dropped a coffee cup towards my head." he said bluntly

They were both quiet, the _ding-ding_ of their arrival of the nineteenth floor interrupting the silence.

Emil pulled Mathias silently down the hall, unlocked the door and burst in, dragging Mathias in with him.

He was startled by a pretty blonde girl in lingerie, which was not at all what he was expecting, not only were there never females in the house, there were never _half naked_ females in the house. Not even porn, which Emil had checked thoroughly. Lukas had no masturbation-drive anyway.

Her eyes widened and she giggled, scampering back down the hallway and into Lukas's room. Emil just stood in the doorway and he could almost feel his facial expression changing, it hadn't done that in a while, made his cheeks ache. Blinking, he looked to Mathias who was smiling like an idiot. Oh wait...

"Did you see that too?"

"The scantily dressed woman that just pranced towards the direction of my ameba of a brothers bedroom? Yes, I did."

Mathias laughed a little giddily and grabbed his coat off the couch, "I'll see you later, Emil."

The door slammed shut violently.

**A/N: Oh, I can feel all of you dying XD sorry! Thanks for you who review, fav, follow, etc. :***

**ການທົບທວນຄືນ?**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks for errything, guys! Also, Warnings about language and stuff. Also, have a song www . youtube watch?v=Hr0YZzL8KCI (don't cry)**

******SHE MADE ME CRY. K MADE ME CRY. :'( I love you, Icey.**

**Katy is Ukraine because her name is too long.****  
**

Lukas ran his hand along the length of Natayla's leg, a soft purr escaping her lips as he pressed his mouth onto hers. She wrapped her legs around his torso and pulled him down closer to her, but Katy whined from somewhere on the other side of the couch, pulling Lukas's attention away from the younger of the two sisters.

"What the hell is this?" he thought to himself, admiring Katys heavy blush, she couldn't stay alone the whole night just watching. Three could play this game. The more he thought about it, the sicker he got. His stomach seemed to curl in on itself, nothing about this seemed like a good idea.

Natalya gave a kinda scary, kinda sexy growled and jumped on him and he realized that boobs were great and all, but he didn't really want them flapping around in his face. Or around him in a sexual way, ever. Rolling off the couch and onto the ground, he brushed his hair out of his face like he was the sexiest thing in the world.

"Bondevik, what are you doing down there? I heard you had some interesting...well, anyway, the couch is much more comfortable than the floor, da?"

"Well...uhm. You're great. I appreciate you guys coming over. But I just don't think, this will...go any farther. Ever." he coughed behind his fist and looked away from the murderous female.

"But the sister routine works every time! Well...Usually just I work, but with the added bonus of these!" Natalya bounced Katy's double d's "It never fails!"

Lukas raised an eyebrow at the very quickly composed sisters and shook his head, he didn't want to offend them...but maybe he just, well maybe he wasn't cut out for this sort of thing. "I'm really sorry, but I just. I-I-I can't." There was a slight break in Lukas's voice and he could feel his throat closing, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes.

Katy slipped her bra straps back up her shoulders and grabbed Lukas, hugging him to her chest, "Aww, poor baby." Lukas's eyes snapped open and he could feel his shoulders being drawn up to his shoulders, his eye twitched and he cringed. His face was now pressed in between her great gazoombas, and that was not what he wanted right now. Though the attempted comfort was quite nice of her.

Lukas tried to disentangle himself from Katy's strong grip but unfortunately Natayla was pressed right up against him, her chin resting on his shoulder.

"Well, Mr. Bondevik, it would seem that you are most likely a homosexual." Lukas's eyes widened and he turned to face her, tears starting to form in his eyes, "How do you figure that?" his voice broke and he let out a small sob.

"Well, most men-some girls, but thats not the point-who are hetero or bi, however sad depressed they are going to want to sleep with two beautiful girls. So you MUST be a homosexual. Thats basic deduction, without all the other little...details." she said, patting his shoulder.

"No, that's no-" A sharp smack across his cheek silenced the Norwegian, the door was thrown open and a figure marched into the room and shoved the two girls off the couch.

"I think it would be best if you two left now." Emil said, throwing their clothes at them. Natayla shrugged her coat on and dragged her sister out of the door while she blew kisses at Emil to which Natayla rolled her eyes.

Emil dropped onto the couch beside Lukas and sighed, "Oh, brother." I'l

"What is wrong with me?!" Lukas banged his head on a pillow.

"Whoa, whoa! WRONG with you!? You better not be talking about your sexuality, because if you are I'm going to kill you and then Berwald will kill you. Because bitch, I am fabulous, gay or not." Emil said a bit angrily.

"...I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being gay. I just...how is this happening to me?!" he cried, smashing his face into the pillow again "Ith awl Kohles faut anyweh"

"What? I can't understand you through that pillow."

"I said it's all Kohlers fault anyway...stupid fuckface." he grumbled

"Oh, I'm sure you'd like to." Lukas curled up around the pillow away from his brother.

"Shut the fuck up."

"No fun if it's silent." Lukas rolled onto his back and rested his head in his brothers lap, Emil started to run his fingers through his hair and Lukas was reminded of how much he missed his brother. He wanted him to be happy, but with all of his boyfriends he barely saw him.

"I'm going to make you some tea. Stay here, just rest, okay?" We'll talk about it." said Emil, getting up from the couch and giving Lukas a kiss on the forehead. Emil would making quite an excellent older brother, he mused. Probably better than I am...Lukas sighed and smiled to himself, he was lucky.

"Okay." he said. His eyes crossed a bit, he was tired. Crying took energy he didn't have. He blinked to uncross them and couldn't open them back up. Might as well just...sleep...now...

Emil turned around with the cups of tea in his hands and smiled down at his brother. He set his teacups down and tucked a blanket around Lukas, "Okay, maybe in the morning."

Emil walked into his own room, picked up his cellphone and dialed Berwald. A grunt from the other end of the line told him Berwald was not only sleeping, but in a foul mood.

"Hello Uncle, put it on speaker, would you?"

"Mmh." A rustling crackled through the phone and a very tired Tino grumbled into the phone.

"Emil, this better be important."

"I wouldn't have called both of you if it wasn't. Guess who had a little bit of a sexcapade and then a big realization today?"

"Em'l, Ah dn't want t' kn'w about y'r sex life." Emil could hear the distaste in his voice, not that he was against it he was just on a strict need to know basis. This was not need to know.

"It's not about me and it's not real sex. Just almost sex."

"Okay then Emil, what's this about almost sex?" Tino really was too curious for his own good. Especially at one in the morning.

"Ok, so our dear brother Lukas, after kicking out one very sexy Dane, invited two very pretty, very voluptuous girls into our apartment where they proceeded to make out-slash-have sex on the couch. Lukas, realizing that boobies and vaginas aren't his forte. Or thing. Or even slight want. The girls comforted him in all his sobbing glory and then I kicked them out for maximum comfort." Emil stopped to breath "So, yeah...if you haven't gathered by now, Lukas is gay."

He heard Tino whisper something along the lines of, "And they say it doesn't run in families." and then Berwald grunting in agreement.

"So...yeah. Thought you might like to know." Emil said, he thought is best to leave out that it was Mathias who had caused this whole break down.

"Good thing, too. Ber, you owe me 20 dollars and extra fu-"

"Eww, don't even go there right now." Emil wrinkled his nose.

"What, do our 'Sexcapades' bother you?" Tino snarled "I'll remember that next time you try to tell me about your little-to-no sex life." besides making him curious, late night Emil-terruptions made him a bit cranky. Berwald took the phone from him and apologized to Emil. "Yah kn'w he'll be s'rry in the morning."

"Yeah, yeah, can I bring Lukas over tomorrow?" he asked, yawning.

"Sure. Or maybe it'll be s'fer 'f we c'me over th're. 'Cause he w'll pr'bably be kind 'f...listless tomorr'w..." Berwald said "Now g' t' bed!"

"Nighty night, love you." grumbled 'love you too' replies came back to him. Emil hung up and flopped back onto his bed. Closing his eyes, he squeezed them shut trying to keep out the images of Mathias, there was nothing to be done about it. Tears escaped from the corners of his eyes, opening them slightly he could see the top of his brothers head and sighed. He would let him go for Lukas. He would.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: OHAI! Wow, we were gone for a while…..thanks for sticking around, though ;u;**

Lukas woke up to the sound and smell of frying bacon. He felt a little groggy, and noticed that somehow Emil had gotten him into his own room during the night. Emil had not, however, wiped away the tearstains on his cheeks. Lukas ran through the memories of yesterday and faceplanted into his pillow, "Aaaaarrrfffghhhhmmeeegh."

Someone knocked on his door, and he made a muffled "come in", keeping his head in his pillow.

"Th'ght I h'rd s'me gr'mbl'n..."

"Berwald!?" he shot up, sitting straight "Why are you here?"

"THEY ARE HERE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR NOT-SO-FLAMING GAYNESS." Emil shouted from the kitchen.

"They?" Lukas rubbed his eyes.

"Tino's here 's w'll."

"Ugh...EMIL DID YOU INVITE THE WHOLE WORLD TO COME AND MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BUT ALSO MAKE ME FEEL HORRIBLE!?"

"NO. JUST THE SCANDINAVIAN PART OF THE WORLD."

"Please tell me that excludes Denmark!" Lukas groaned, running his fingers through his bed-head.

"Of course not dear, he invited himself." Tino smiled in a way Lukas wasn't quite sure was friendly or devious.

"Ah d'sapprov'd. St'll do."

"Not much you can really do though, your 'Wife' seems to have you by the balls." Emil noted.

"Where is the bastard?" Lukas asked, rolling out of bed. Which of course was the perfect moment for the Dane to stroll into the room with a tray and the most delicious looking arms and abs and ooooh the sausage.

"Why the FUCK are you shirtless?" Lukas asked, scrambling to get some proper pants on.

"Your dear brother spilled coffee-probably on purpose-all over mine." He set down the breakfast tray. The sausage really did look delicious.

"Oops." Emil shrugged with a quick wink.

"Em'l..." Berwald said warningly.

"Whaaaaat?"

"Don't be such a teenager."

"Bork bork I can if I borkin wanna."

"YAH MAKIN FUN 'F MY ACCENT, PUNK!?"

"NOOOOOOO."

"Emil, that's not how you talk to your brother."

"What." Emils face was the perfect representation of 'What the actual Fuck.' Mathias then began to morph into Hanatamago and began to bark.

Lukas laughed, "Oh I get it, this is a dream."

Tino swiveled his head to look at Lukas, "You're not perfeeeeeect."

"Well I know that." Tinos face began to mash itself up and turn into that of his mothers.

"Now Lukas, remember that you must never fall in love with a man, that is a womans job, and you are not a woman." Lukas could feel an overwhelming terror claw at his chest until a rainbow monster erupted from his chest and sprinted away farting sparkles.

Berwald looked over at him sporting a brown bear suit and several more sparkles fell from his luxurious fur.

"It's okay to be gay." and with that he stumbled off in the direction of the monster.

"We hate you, Lukas." his parents said in unison.

"Daddy?" Emil had reverted back to his toddler size and Lukas scooped him up before Tino/Mother could poison him with lies.

"Don't listen to her Emil."

"I hate you." Tino/Mother said again.

Lukas screamed and woke up with a sob. His door was closed but he could smell breakfast from the kitchen. Or the bathroom...but probably not that...and there were familiar, comforting voices.

"Bork bork I can if I borkin wanna."

"YAH MAKIN FUN 'F MY ACCENT, PUNK!?"

"NOOOOOOO."

"Emil, that's not how you talk to your brother."

"TINO!? BERWALD!? ARE YOU THERE!?" Lukas yelled, rolling out of bed and shooting out of the door. He sighed with relief. No one was wearing bear suits or turning into dogs or mothers or toddlers or anything strange.

Tino smiled at him from behind a cup of coffee and Berwald sort of grunted like he always did in the morning and Emil sat all sassy like in his chair while Mathias flipped pancakes on the stove and- WHAT?! WHY WAS THAT DOUCHEBAG HERE.

"He inv'ted h'ms'lf. Ah dis'ppr've."

"OH, no, nononononoooooooo." Emil quirked an eyebrow at his brother, he was weird just not usually in front of company, family or not.

"Are you having a heart attack or something?"

"NO. HE JUST. WHAT. I CAN'T. DEJA VU OF THE WORST KIND." Lukas heaved, wavering a bit.

"Shh..." Tino hugged Lukas, stroking his hair. The hugging was also a good way to keep Lukas from trying to attack Mathias. "Calm down."

"And this is just the beginning." Emil said quietly-but not as quietly as he should have.

"Ah w's hiding und'r y'r porch bec'se I l've yah." Berwald announced. Tino glared over Lukas's shoulder.

"This is not the time." Lukas glared at Mathias's lower back, or maybe his ass, either was acceptable. Dammit...

"So," Owner of said delicious ass turned towards him "I heard from a certain teenager that you like sausage with your pancakes. And pancakes are better than I like too."

"I don't like agreeing with you..." Lukas grumbled.

"Well, it looks like you guys agree on more than just breakfast preferences." Said Tino, letting go of Lukas. "And the only thing I know all of us in the room agree on is this; sexuality."

"I don't know, I think we can all agree that these shoes are fabulous." Emil noted. Berwald nodded thoughtfully, went nice with the furniture as well, he would know.

"They are, but that's not the point."

"So what is your point?" Lukas grumbled with a quirked brow.

"My point is...My point is that this shouldn't be an issue Lukas. I know you had a difficult time with this in your past but everyone in this room loves you. So you deserve to love yourself."

"Why? It doesn't matter. Even if I hate myself it doesn't matter. Even if I hate _you_ it doesn't matter." He glared at Mathias, who almost dropped the pancake plate.

"I think I should be going now." Mathias gulped, thrusting the plate into Emil's hands

"Good riddance!" Lukas said

"Okay, whoa, HOLLUP HOLLUP HOLLUP." Tino said. Berwald rubbed his hands over his face, he was just fine with Mathias walking out that door and not coming back.

"What? You heard Lukas, I'm not wanted here." Emil facepalmed, he really did wish that these two obviously perfect potential couple material would have the ability to think on a broader level than just what people said.

"Lets think about this rationally Mathias. Do you really think it was a 'what' Lukas was crying for and not a 'who'?"

"Why would that be it? He threatened me with coffee cups and other scary things last time I was around."

"But you came onto me!"

"But you were the one who kissed me in the first place. Last place. Whatever."

"Yah c'me on mah br'th'r?" Berwald inquired.

"No! Fuck. No. Aaagh...dammit."

"I fail to see the issue here. Wait, no, I think I got it. Lukas, stop being such a hermit and go on a date with Mathias. Mathias, work harder."

"No"

"Ber, shut up. I love you, but shut up. You can be overprotective after we've stopped Lukas from feeling like shit."

Berwald grumbled and puttered around the kitchen, making himself a cup of coffee while damning the injustice of that Danish bastard. Said Danish bastard coughed and looked a little more confident than he did a few seconds ago, "So, Lukas. You wanna go on a date?"

"No!" Lukas stomped off and slammed the door of his bedroom.

Tino sighed and leaned on the counter, looking directly at Mathias, "He'll probably be at your coffee shop tomorrow, pretending he hates you, like a love-struck idiot."

"I r'memb'r th's d'ys." Berwald reminisced over his cup of coffee. Tino raised an eyebrow at him.

"Ber, nothing's changed."

Emil smirked, "Now kiss!"

**A/N: I think Emil is the embodiment of all us fangirls XD**

**Review?**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Treat: We've been gone for a while so have a few more hundred words :)**

**Day One: Operation First Date Is A Go **

Mathias had been planning this moment for exactly twenty three minutes and thirty seven seconds when Lukas walked right into his trap. Granted, this was the exact time he walked into Mathia's coffee shop every morning, but it was also the perfect place for the devious Dane to cause a scene.

Ludwig had just gone on break and would therefore give Lukas no other choice but then to order his daily espresso from him. It was flawless. Lukas however seemed to have noticed this and veered from the counter to the bathroom.

**Day Seven: Operation Avoid The Sexy Dane Continues**

Lukas swore under his breath and then more loudly when he walked into the cafe. Fuck. He should have known that the short red-head outside was waiting for Ludwig. So, the only barista to get him his daily boost was Mathias. Where the hell were all the other servers!? Oh, right. Mathias had probably sent them off-or chased them away. Either worked.

Quickly calculating in his head the amount of minutes until Ludwig or someone else came back, Lukas shuffled off to the bathroom. He could probably hide in there for fifteen minutes. That wouldn't seem weird at all.

**Day One: Operation First Date Is A Go Continues**

Mathias had no choice but to take the orders of other customers with a forced smile while he fumed about Lukas's genius; his plan had been fool proof! There had been no room for mistakes or any way for Lukas to escape, and yet...

It was simply too much. Taking several orders and mixing the caffeine with various sugary syrups, Mathias glared at the door that the Norwegian had disappeared, hoping that a fire would start and he'd be forced to run into his ready arms.

**Day Seven: Operation Avoid The Sexy Dane Continued**

Lukas almost screamed. The old lady looked confused.

"Something wrong, dear?"

Lukas stared at her. Had he just walked into the _ladies_ room. Shit.

"Are you alright? Do you need something?" the old lady asked

"No, I'm fine."

"Oh! Better get that cold cleared up, you almost sound like a man." she looked him down once more and frowned.

"Right. See you, lady." Lukas said. The old woman smiled and walked out. Lukas looked at himself in the mirror. Did he really look like a girl!?

**Day One: Operation Keep Temper Under Control **

Mathias didn't know if he could take much more of this. thoughts were bombarding his mind; he knew Lukas wasn't fond of him, but he had KISSED him. Should he keep waiting for his plan to take action? Or should he give up? Was it even worth it just to get his ass kicked again by Berwald.

Maybe. Maybe not. But he did know one thing. Lukas needed him, and maybe he needed him just as much. So with a new smile on his face, he called out the name he had absent mindedly written on the cup.

"One frappuccino for Alfred!"

"Yo, thanks man!"

**Day Seven: Try Not To Cry And/Or Punch The Mirror**

What. The. Hell.

Lukas turned about to check himself in the mirror. He didn't have girl curves or anything. Okay, maybe his waist was a little more girly, but Berwalds was worse! Maybe...

And his face. He did not have an absolutely feminine face, did he!? Maybe his hair was a little softer than Tinos, but that didn't matter much, did it? Lukas took one last look at himself and stalked out furiously.

**Day One: Operation Shut Up The Stupid American**

Lukas stormed out of the bathroom, his face the most god awful glare Mathias had ever seen in his life and he'd known Berwald for years. The Norwegian grabbed him by his apron and pulled him close to his face.

"DO I LOOK LIKE A GIRL TO YOU?" Alfred standing just three feet away snorted behind him, taking a nice long look at Lukas's fine posterior.

"Aw man, look at those hips." A man Mathias swore hadn't been there before smacked him on the back of the head and quietly yelled at him.

"Al, you dumbass, don't say things like that."

"Ow, god Mattie, no need to be so violent man!"

"DO I?" Mathias wasn't sure how to answer that...I mean, he did have a sort of feminine look to him. How was he supposed to answer.

"Well, if you do you're the only girl I've ever wanted to fuck. And I'm gay." Mathias rubbed the back of his head, he was smooooth. A swift smack in the face quickly deflated that dream though.

"KOHLER, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!"

"UGH, YOU ARE SO INSUFFERABLE YET SO DAMN DELICIOUS I HATE YOU FOR IT."

Mathias held his hand up to his eye, which Lukas had just socked in a bout of...passion?

"MATTIE WHAT'S GOING ON WHY IS EVERYONE YELLING?"

Mathias sighed, "Can you guys all just shut the hell up. No yelling in the library, clean up the pixie dust, okay? Okay."

**Day Seven: What Do We Do About Mathias Now Having Passed Out On The Floor**

Lukas questioned himself for the fourth time that day. Did he really punch that hard? The drool pooling on the floor and the bruise forming on his face pointed towards yes. Lukas noted that even with gross drool dripping out of his mouth, Mathias still managed to look hot. And manly. Goddammit.

He was screwed. Hopefully, anyway. GODDAMMIT BRAIN.

Lukas snapped himself out of his thoughts. What were they supposed to do with an unconscious person on the middle of the cafe? Apparently Alfred knew.

"What are you doing?" Ludwig asked as Alfred knelt by Mathias.

"He's showing off. He's a doctor." A man was now standing behind Mattie or whatever. He had enormous eyebrows and was obviously English.

"Arthur, it's not showing off, it's making sure he's okay."

"Yeah, yeah, but I could do that too."

Lukas turned to Arthur, "Are you a doctor too?"

"...nurse..." he replied gruffly

**Day One: Who Is This Random Person Hugging Me**

He already got enough glomps from Alfred, did he really need more from strangers?

Said stranger was mumbling something about gender stereotypes and looking like a girl. What the hell.

**Day Seven: Compose Yourself**

Lukas came back to senses and stopped hugging Arthur. He was just glad about the other man being kinda girly too.

Anyway, back to the point.

Mathias was lying on the floor, probably because of him, Ludwig was flipping because people were crowding around the counter trying to catch a glimpse of the fallen barista.

"Mattie, I think we should take him to the hospital, just to do some tests. A punch like that shouldn't have made him go out like that. No offense dude, but you kinda hit like a girl."

Oh. My. God.

**Day Thirty: POWERS ACTIVATE**

EMT POWERS GO! CELL PHONE; I CHOOSE YOU.

**Day One: What?**

"S'kay girlies, I'm all night. Fight. Right. Aaaaalll Right. Except Lukas has to give me the kiss of life first. Mhmmm." he heard a snort on the left of him.

"Sorry, lover boy left an hour ago." It seemed to be Arthur at his side. He heard someone-someone American- shout from some other room, "Naah, I'm still here!"

"Where am I?" he asked

"The hospital, where else?"

"Well I don't know, seeing as that the last thing I remember was serving some stupid blond guy a frappuccino, I don't see how that relates to being at the hospital." Mathias grumped. Man, where'd this headache come from? He hadn't had anything to drink in at least forty-eight hours.

"You got totally owned by a girl!" Alfred shouted

"ALFRED."

"By a girly guy!"

"Well, anyway. You're free to go now. And by the way." Arthur tossed an orange bottle to Mathias "Continue taking these. I've read your files." A stern look had Mathias nodding as he tried to slide out of the hospital bed. Apparently his headache affected his motor skills as well and he fell onto the ground, resembling much that of a QWOP runner.

"Oh my god..."

"Here, I gotcha." Alfred the doctor was now picking him up and _slinging him over his shoulder._

"Put me dooowwwn."

"Nope. cant put you down cause I'm the hero and a doctor and that just means I'm right and you're not." Alfred walked out of the room and navigated out of the bustling halls into the waiting room that was crammed with people. Setting the Dane in front of the doors leading outside, he brushed Mathias off and saluted him before heading back to Arthur.

Mathias tried his legs out before making a grand exit out the doors. He pocketed the orange pill bottle, smiling and trying to figure out exactly where he was in the city.

"Hey."

Mathias jumped at the sudden appearance of a feminine figure beside him. Oh wait, it was Lukas. Rubbing the back of his head, Mathias wondered why he was here when he had _left _an hour ago.

"What are you doing here Lukas?"

"Quite frankly Mathias, you haven't been taking your pills for the past month and a half, it's doing bad things to you and I don't trust you to deal with it yourself. So you're coming home with me and you're staying with me until you're more stable. Okay? Okay."

'What?" A goofy smile adorned Mathias' face "You want me to stay with you?"

"Not like that." Lukas rolled his eyes. _Yet._

"Ah, but you willlll." Mathias proclaimed. Lukas grabbed Mathias' arm, "C'mon. We're going home."

Mathias started chattering and Lukas blocked him out, wondering if this was even a slightly good idea. It wasn't like he liked him or anything.

**A/N: HUEHUE, just as planned. eue**

**BTW we are bringing in a little of the Hospitalia AU by InvisibleInnocence. Go check her out on tumblr or deviantart. She's great!**


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